2 am Anxiety
Here I am again...
Falling down from a life I've tried to lead. Why does the load drag behind me? It is the same one I've held on my back all this time. I used to let you carry it for me. Oh, how heavy it has become.
Do I ever praise you? Do I ever thank you with deep sincerity? I say grace before I eat. I raise my hand to thank you at the top of a hill. It is routine.
It is after 2 am and I can't sleep. My thoughts have run away to the darker world. Sin is a slippery cave. I will not find you in there. My eyes can't find their way out. Close them Kathy. Listen to his voice.
Lord, I pray that you will guide me out of here. I have lost you in anger. I am deep in the well of sadness. Come and find me. Pull me out.
You speak to me through song. I'm begging you to be my escape.
Falling down from a life I've tried to lead. Why does the load drag behind me? It is the same one I've held on my back all this time. I used to let you carry it for me. Oh, how heavy it has become.
Do I ever praise you? Do I ever thank you with deep sincerity? I say grace before I eat. I raise my hand to thank you at the top of a hill. It is routine.
It is after 2 am and I can't sleep. My thoughts have run away to the darker world. Sin is a slippery cave. I will not find you in there. My eyes can't find their way out. Close them Kathy. Listen to his voice.
Lord, I pray that you will guide me out of here. I have lost you in anger. I am deep in the well of sadness. Come and find me. Pull me out.
You speak to me through song. I'm begging you to be my escape.
posted by Kathy @ 2:01 AM
3 Comments:
At March 23, 2006 at 2:46 PM,
Duf said…
So, you have this knack for saying things that pique my curiosity.
What does "falling down from a life I've tried to lead" mean?
I think of you as a role model.
At March 23, 2006 at 9:43 PM,
Kathy said…
Hi Duf,
It means I failed at trying to be the boss of my own life. Sure, I make decisions- but I foolishly think that only MY desires matter. I often forget to ask if the choice I made is the one God wanted for me...planned for me.
He is my Father after all. He knows best. But I am a selfish child, always wanting to do things my way.
"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added onto you."
At March 27, 2006 at 3:16 AM,
Steve said…
Hi kathy, I'll keep you and yoru whoel family in my prayers.
Steve
ps - I remembered while reading this, this peom I found a while ago. While some shadows are realer than we would like - there is always a dawn. :)
*****
When the night is darkest, then the morning comes
Sometimes the dawn is slow, but it is nevertheless dawn.
The fears of the night, fade, and on examination, are nothing more than the fantasy of shadows; fear and anxiety creating nothing, from nothing.
The sun rises, and we bathe in the warm light. We play, grow, learn. We relax, we have fun, we forget all about the night, it has passed.
If the night comes again, we remember the sunlight and the shadows no longer have the same power over us. We sleep peacefully, safe in the knowledge that whatever we feel in the moments of anxiety, the person we are remains the same as in the sunshine, and the night always passes, and the sun will always rise.
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