PUT IT BACK! six feet under, please.

The worst thing that has ever happened to me... happened 15 years ago, but I relive it like it was yesterday.

Is this the time in my life where I actually talk about it so it will go away? Haven't we talked about it many times before God? Can't you throw this into the sea of forgetfulness and let me be free? Can't I be a bird so my tears will turn sideways? They fall down. They touch my skin. They won't let me forget.

Back then, if I could have transported myself away, I would have. If I could have been strong enough to knee him in the gut, I would have....

Last night the moon was full. In the kitchen I picked up my glass of wine and decided I needed to get away...again.

I went for a walk, down the street, in the moonlight. Soon he was behind me. He's always been there for me. He doesn't understand this and neither do I, but it will be okay. We will be okay. YOU know the pain. YOU understand the pain. YOU are the healer. YOU can make me strong. Please Lord, make me strong. Strong enough to bury it. Bury it and throw away the shovel.

Deal with it. HOW!!??
How does one deal with this?
I don't want counseling, I don't want to talk about it...anymore.
I exhumed it.
BURY IT GOD, BURY IT!!

let it haunt me no more...